The tale of the drag queen from hell

Once up a Friday night
We thought it would be out of sight.
(Yes we’re rhyming
And it’s sure good timing).

We went to the roller derby jam
And it smelled like spam.
Hot shorts and fishnets,
I don’t think they took bets.

They call it the gates of hell,
Angels vs. Devils.

Two beers each we bought
That was enough we thought.

We were judged in purgatory
The Holiday gas station didn’t believe our story.
As we put our beers in our bags
We took off in Kirk not no jags. *

Half time rolls around
And some man’s balls were bound.
A drag queen we speak of
Who’s dress fit like a glove.
The DQ introduced the he/she act
Twirling fireballs on chairs as a matter of fact.

So the drag queen who was more flat chested than an eight year old girl,
Lost his dress when he began to dance and twirl.

The put downs resumed
As more beer was consumed.
This includes guy with crocks & socks
And a creepy mustache that talks.

Drowning in a sea of lesbians
We moved the party inside with the rest of the non-Europeans. **
The second half did begin
Standing in front of the fan was our big win.

We thought we spotted a clown
As we approached we found a fake goth girl with a frown.
We thought it would be funny
Tto on her cheek draw a bunny.

The fan began to blow colder air
And the Devils went down in despair.
On the trek back to the homestead
A car almost made a deer dead. ***

Harley bikers we did hound
Because they didn’t look like the man on the ground.
Giggles at home
We decided to write you this poem.

Notes:
*Kirk is the name of Nicole’s truck
**There were no Europeans present but European rhymes with lesbians
***Jessica screamed very loud

Cloud Game in ALL It's Glory! :)

Last weekend, Nicole and I went to Great Falls to visit our families. As lame as this sounds, we totally played The Cloud Game on the way home! And we had some pretty epic finds! I even highlighted them for everyone! :)

It's a Whale!!


Turtle, Turtle, Turtle!


It's a turkey! Gobble, Gobble, Gobble!


So for those of you who remember Nightmare Before Christmas, this is one of Oogie Boogie's henchman, Shock! LOL


The Hawaiian Islands!


I really don't remember what this one was, but it looks like a bull, so that's what I'm going with! LOL


We call this one Bird in Flight!


As our journey approached Lincoln, we rolled the windows down to take in the AMAZING Lincoln, mountain air! Prolly one of the most amazing smells ever!! :) Anyway we felt super famous because we saw a sign that paid homage to our blog! So OF COURSE we had to document it! :)



We were sad it didn't say Salsa too...and of course now I think that we just should've written it on there with our own dry erase marker, but live and learn! :)

PS: We found THE place to hang out in Lincoln...it has EVERYTHING you could possibly want! LOL!


CIAO!

Pirates vs Ninjas - Part I

I recently went to see Peter Pan at the Missoula Children's Theatre. Before the show there was a special reception where the Lost Boys and Peter Pan himself made an appearance prior to the arrival of the Pirates and Captain Hook. The actors came and sat with the guests and had many conversations. I decided this would be a great time to get a Pirates vs Ninjas debate started.

Pirate Pros
They live on a ship
Johnny Depp as Captain Sparrow
Rum
They carry swords
Gold and treasure
Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland
Cool hats


Pirate Cons
Scurvy
Lack of showers
Lack of manners


I'm going to go over Ninja stuff in my next post. Any pirate pros/cons I missed?

Things that Make you go...?!

So...On my quest through life I have made it a point to highlight the hilarious and WTF things that I find in every day life! This is Volume 1! LOL!


Found in the window of a store downtown....


While walking to the Wilma, we saw this window display and it made me wonder....

....Just which football player is the Grizzly biting?!?!


And onto the Febreze collection....Can someone tell me just what "Delight" smells like?!

Or Sparkle?!?!


Seen at Bodega!! I just love this one! :)


LOL! No caption for this one! LOL


Two summers ago when I worked at CTA...the guys had their own domain for after work! LOL


So...what kind of "Special" people are on this bus...I wanna know.... LMAO!


Seen at Worden's Market! GREAT advice!!


Sadly....Found on a sign at the UC on campus...it's called proofreading people!!!


Can someone explain this jeans ad to me?! I don't get it!


Two weeks left in the semester!! Then SUMMER!!!! YAY!!!!
Ciao!! =)

I love my job!

I love my job at the Boys and Girls Club! And the kids that I work with every afternoon...Especially when they do things like this! LOL

Hefty Hefty Hefty, Wimpy Wimpy Wimpy

Watching Family Guy right now and found a new clip that I absolutely love. I found it on Youtube but the quality isn't great, but its still funny.

Seriously?!

So apparently the nowadays people are skipping the whole bar scene and personal want ads and they're going for a much more direct approach...LOL!

Census What?!?

So we got a pre-census notice today. WTF? Why send us a notice that we will be getting the Census in one week. And then it explains the Census is several different languages. Shouldn't you speak English if you live legally in America and are taking the Census?

From March 2010

How to handle a baby.

We ran around town yesterday shopping before going to see some flix. And we saw the funniest photos at Rockin Rudys. In case you wanted to know how to handle a baby:

From March 2010

From March 2010

So there you have it, an baby instruction manual.

Spring Feelings

So...I've decided it's REALLY LAME when your online Spanish prof moves the due date of all your homework to the day before it's normally due! Let's just say, I spent the last 3.5 hours of Saturday trying to pound out as much, if not all of my Spanish homework! I got done with all but like 5 mini lessons out of like 40, so that's pretty good! And now I don't have any Spanish due until March 19th! WOOT WOOT!

20 days until Spring Break!

Moving on...Life is beautiful in Missoula! The sun has been shining nearly EVERY day for the last two weeks...pretty sure that's a record of sorts! With the new weather of course comes a wicked bout of Spring Fever! My Spring Fever today lead me for an impromptu mini road trip to Hamilton. I wonder where Spring Fever will take me tomorrow? Hmm... =)

Let's see......Moose Tracks ice cream is AMAZING! Idk how I ever lived without it!

What else?

Oh Jess has 13 points, which means she's leading Nicole & Chips, who have 11 & 8 respectively...But since it's March, it really is anyone's race...LOL!

Oh and MOST importantly!! With the warm weather of Spring comes BBQ!!! So today Nicole and I decided to BBQ chicken. First Nicole marinated it and when I got back we started cooking, I stepped into my room for two seconds to change and when I came back out, this is what I saw......



Immediately after this picture, Nicole realized she should stop taking pictures with her mouth open! LOL


And yes...we still have our Christmas lights up on our balcony...we like them! :)


Signing off for now! And most def can't wait to see where Spring Fever takes me tomorrow! =)

Au revoir! =)

When Animals Fight Back.

So apparently the a religious right group thinks that the seaworld whale that recently killed its training should be killed, but here's the craziest part, death by stoning. Seriously people, how would you even stone a whale to death. Stoning is so inhumane. I understand if you think the whale shouldn't live but its not like the other whales are going to learn anything by stoning one whale. It just goes to show you how crazy people in this world really are. You can find the article here, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/03/03/american-family-associati_n_484022.html

Where Cars Go to Die......

Hello loyal Fish and Chips & Salsa readers!

Sorry it has been so long since the last post! Life has been busy! The semester has started for both of us. BOO SCHOOL! And one of us...not naming names because she's a HOEBAG...got to go to Hawaii!! I'm sure she'll blab all about it here soon and post a link about where you can go to see all her photos!

Let's see what else...One of us set in motion the events of today that we dubbed blog worthy...We visited the place where cars go to die...

However, before we even made it out to "Where cars go to die..." we quite the adventure to get there.

"Can you google this address, 10131 Garrymore Ln?"

"Oh, I can get us there...we gotta take West Broadway out to East Missoula and it should be right off of I-90! I got my keys, let's go!" See you'd think that the words West and East contradicting each other in the same sentence would be a tipoff...but NOT SO MUCH for the pseudo-cousins duo! So we headed out on our journey with our directions written down...just in case we get lost! LOL!

We hit East Broadway...not West...because apparently we're both...well mainly Jess...is directionally challenged for the day. We get to East Missoula and start driving through the town and realize..."Shit, we are on EAST Broadway and we need to be on WEST Broadway!" So we flipped around and got headed the right way on Broadway. We had to stop at Mickey D's for some nourishment on our way to 10131 Garrymore Ln.

PS: 10131 Garrymore Ln is on the OPPOSITE side of where East Missoula is!!

This is the first sign we actually saw when we arrived at our destination...As you can see...Nicole REALLY wanted to touch it, but I convinced her that it was a REALLY bad idea!




PS: This is how they brought Nicole's car to us...


After cleaning the car out and scouring it for all of Nicole's possessions that remained inside of it, she had a sad goodbye...


And then a moment of silence...


After leaving "Where Cars Go to Die..." We had to explore the very DECEIVING (Clips will demonstrate this) Roller Coaster Road...


First attempt to capture the "Roller Coaster" of R.C. road...


Second attempt...


We settled for our pictures by the BA sign though....That I really kinda, sorta, maybe wanna have in the apartment one day...Hmm! LOL




I really do have materials to post a second blog today, but I have packing that needs to get done, so I'll have to do it this weekend!

Ciao!

Five and a Half Hours to get to Great Falls...Seriously?!?!

So Salsa and I decided to go home this last weekend. Friday night we packed our bags and the car, with the plan to wake up early the next morning and hit the road. Little did we know that our plan would merit such an adventure!

7:00am: Get up, get ready and finish packing.

8:00am: Check the road conditions! Green all the way baby!

8:22am: Leave the Apt and gas up the car at the Holiday!




8:34am: Leave Missoula (Taking the Hwy 200 route).

8:50am: See a truck in the ditch. Make eye contact with old man digging truck out. He appears to be telling us to "SLOW DOWN!" Get slowed down and see all the cars on the side of the road. Try to make it to the side of the road and basically skate across the NEWLY formed ice...thanks to the rain! Finally get stopped facing the wrong way on the side of Hwy 200. There's a truck stuck in the ditch in front of us and numerous other cars pulled over on both sides of the highway.

8:51am: CRAZY lady wearing wedge sandal heels (Come on people...who in the hell wears sandals with a heel to drive on the highway in the middle of winter?!) comes slipping and sliding up to the car and informs us...almost proudly...that the corner is solid ice and that she hit a truck. She says to wait for the sander that SHOULD be there soon!

8:52am: The wait starts. Lady in sandal heels continues attempting to walk down the highway!

8:54am: Lady in sandal heels dives into the ditch to avoid getting hit by a truck that is sliding on the road! SERIOUSLY! Lol! She had to crawl back to the road because she couldn't walk...I'm gonna bet it was the heels that prevented the walking! :)

9:10am: Jess has a mini freak out because she's so angry she has to wait in the car. Nicole informs her that if she (Jess) moves the car, she (Nicole) is getting out of the car!

9:23am: Highway patrolman arrives and tries to stop his car in the middle of the highway. His car stops moving forward, but because of the grade of the road the car slides to the side and onto the shoulder. Lots of people are out of their cars and playing on the road....Call me crazy, but this sounds like a terrible idea!

9:47am: (This is a general guess...we're not super sure on time here...but Nicole had most def stopped knitting) - Enter Redneck, White Trash Pick-up with chains on the front tires and a flatbed trailer complete with snowmobile in tow. The truck passes us. Then the trailer begins to jack knife sliding within inches of the passenger side of the car. Somehow the truck pulls a 180 on the highway without hitting anyone. It comes to a rest to the side of the road.

9:57am: Snow plow FINALLY comes and plows the ice off the road...However doesn't put any sand down. Wait longer in the car for the plow to come back and put some sand down.

10:00am or so: Begin playing games on the cell phones (that have no service). Dot game on the Blackberry...Jess dominates! Trivial Pursuit on the regular cell phone...Jess wins again, but she's more practiced in areas of trivia ;) !!

10:26am: Iron Horse tow truck arrives and has to put chains on before he can tow anyone!


All the HP Officers that have shown up...Seriously how many do you need for a patch of ice?!?!




10:39am: Snow plow comes back and plows a path back to Missoula and lays down sand! YAY!


10:45am: Say a quick prayer and try to turn around and head back!


11:ooam: Arrive back in Bonner. Check the road conditions. Use the bathroom. Green through Helena. Call and alert our waiting families in GF of the situation and the new plan.

11:07am: Head to Helena.


11:16am: The sun's out!


11:29am: Perfect roads!


11:53am: Garrison/Helena Exit.


12:34pm: Arrive in Helena.


12:43pm: McDonalds pit-stop. Switch drivers! We saw this sign and thought it was hysterical! LOL


12:53pm: Leave Helena. BLUE SKIES!


1:01pm: Sleeping Giant.


1:02pm: Take ya for a ride on my Big Green Tractor! HeHe! :)


1:55pm: We make it to Great Falls!


Our Adventure back to Missoula was not nearly as eventful! We did dominate the LA Times crossword that appeared in the Trib! Ya...we're nerds! LOL!

Ciao!

Landmark Moment in History! =)

So....Downhearted that the epic musical experience, "Nine" was no longer showing in Missoula theaters...Salsa and I decided that some comfort food was called for. So we went for some chocolate chips pancakes...which were purely experimental because neither of us had ever made them. But I do have to say for her first time, Salsa made some amazing chocolate pancakes! And she had a Landmark Moment in History! The first perfect first pancake! I mean how many times have you made pancakes and the first one doesn't turn out?! It's generally just considered basic knowledge and a fact that should be accepted, but we are not ones to accept failure!! :) We of course documented the Landmark Moment in History (that prolly should be read with a BIG booming voice)!! :)

Ciao!

Even More Reasons

Reason #10: That way the world can see Nicole turn her computer off with her toe! LOL!

Happy New Year

I found out a few things about new years in Missoula, the first being that fireworks kind of make the cat freak out (sorry Chips!) and that fireworks begin at 7pm here apparently. Other than that New Years Eve was fun. I'm awaiting Fish's arrival back to zootown this week. Another thing I'm looking forward to this week is TV shows are back!! FINALLY!!!! So the shows I'm looking forward to watching again are Grey's Anatomy (I definitely have to go rewatch the last episode since it was in freaking November), Fringe should rock and I just caught up on the last few episodes this weekend. And since Gossip Girl isn't back for months, I will actually be able to watch The Big Bang Theory and How I Met Your Mother. Also Legend of the Seeker is new next weekend and I am super stoked for that.

In other TV news Fish and I are officially addicted to Gilmore Girls. We are now on season 2 and hopefully we'll be most of the way through that before school starts at the end of January. So with the new year brings new TV and I for one am super stoked.